Camilla Araujo on leaving OnlyFans
by willow loves drip: OnlyFans
The comments hit different once you're not performing anymore. Camilla Araujo says leaving OnlyFans meant losing the character she'd been playing for four years, and now the noise she used to tune out got louder instead of quieter. She calls it a veil dropping: you look in the mirror and ask who is she, what is she going to do without this. The answer isn't in any book, just waking up sad, excited, scared, a different day every time. She's talked to friends older and younger and none of them have it figured out either. What's left is reading what strangers write about you, the ones saying you'll never amount to anything or find real love, and starting to believe it when you're already lost. Even turning off the phone is its own battle when your whole life lived on it. "At the end of the day I'm a 24 year old girl just trying to figure it out."
Transcript (en)
Is it scary right now or are you excited? What do you think your biggest obstacle is going to be? Like how do you feel right now at this moment in your life? Horrified. Okay. I'm... it doesn't help that I'm in a casket. Yeah, I'm... so lost. Oh, I don't want to cry. Um... because I think like trying to figure out who you are after like I was so comfortable and it was fine and it was my safe space to be doing OnlyFans and like but I truly it was like a facade and so I played it's like playing a character for so long that when I decided to step out of it it was like Like there was so much noise and it got louder. And it just feels like all the comments are now like affecting me. Because it's almost like the veil dropped. And I'm like looking around and I think like looking in the mirror being like, who is she? And like, what is she going to do without this? Which is the craziest thing ever. and I because there's no guidance on it there's no like book or bible to be like how do you find yourself it just a journey of you right waking up sad waking up excited waking up scared like every day is a different journey and I think for me living the every day and truly trying to figure that out is so horrifying because at the end of the day I'm the 24 year old girl just trying to figure it out and I've even talking to like my close friends and my peers who are older and younger no one has it figured out no I knew the last four years if this gets this many views it equals this much money and that's just all I kept doing and it was like so addicting and it's and then when I stepped out and you look back and you're like wait like this you're actually writing comments about me now and these are things that like now I'm reading and it's yeah it's it spins you out to like see I'm like I can't even explain it like when you read things about yourself I don't even know half of the things that these people were saying that were wrong with me was wrong with me and then you start reading it and then you don't even know what to believe so then on top of like being lost in all of this you go and you take a chance and you leave something that you were so comfortable in and then people are telling you like you'll never amount to this you'll never be better than this and and look at you now you're gonna lose all of this and you'll never find someone to like truly love you and it's like you do start when you're so lost you do start to believe these So it's also been a process of like, just turning your phone fucking off. Which is a simple thing to say, just so much harder when your entire life is on it. And then I can like look around me,
