Transcript (en)

Okay, I want to thank you all for being here. I know it's tough, but you're very brave to do this. And the first step is admitting that there's a problem. All right? Brian, you want to start us off? Um, sure. Hi, I'm Brian. Um, oh man, it's hard for me to say it. It's okay, Brian. You can do this. Ahem. my girl was brought on stage at the Chris Brown and Usher tour. Hi, Brian. So, yeah, me and Diane have been married for three years, never had any problems, and then for our anniversary, she surprised me with two front row tickets to see Usher and CB. The show was fun enough, you know, the dancing, and they're ripping open their shirts and whatnot. And then six songs in, Urshah jumps off the stage, dangling a damn cherry, looking to drop it in some lady's mouth. And then suddenly, Diane is just hungry as hell. Breathe, Brian. Breathe. I'm just saying, cherries are out of season. Where did you get that, Urshah? Okay, let's give Brian a breather. Uh, you wanna go, Phillip? Uh sure yeah I Phillip and my girl was brought on stage at the Chris Bell and Usher tour Hi Phillip I mean I wasn even at the concert I bought tickets for my girl and her friends. She gets home, and I say, how was it? She says, fine. And she goes and takes a bubble bath with her Theragun. Next morning, I open TikTok. I see my girl strapped to a pole, spinning like shawarma. And there's Mr. Breezy, no shirt on, drenched in sweat. My girl's eyes roll in the back of her head like she's trying to see her memories. Oh, I am so sorry, fella. The video has 123,000 likes. Top comment says, pray for her man, y'all. You got this, man. You're strong. You got this. You're strong. When I spent $1,200 on that meet and greet, I never expected her to actually greet his meat. You're brave, Philip. You're very brave. Let's move along. Chris! Yeah, uh, hi. I'm Chris. Hi, Chris. Date a black woman, they said. It will be fun, they said. And it is. I loves me a queen. All I'm saying is this kind of stuff don't happen at the Noah Kahn concert.