Transcript (en)

What are you doing? Nothing. You were masturbating. I was not. Yes, you were. Oh, all right, so shoot me. I was whacking off. That's right, I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot, you know, saying hi to my monster. That's disgusting. Well, excuse me, but some of us still have blood pumping through our veins. So do I. Really? Well, I'm the only one who seems to be doing anything about it. Lester, I refuse to live like this. This is not a marriage. This hasn't been a marriage for years, but you were happy as long as I kept my mouth shut. Well, guess what? I've changed. And the new me whacks off when he feels horny, because you're obviously not going to help me out in that department. Oh, I see. You think you're the only one who's sexually frustrated. I'm not? Well, then, come on, baby. I'm ready. Don't you mess with me, mister. I will divorce you so fast it'll make your head spin. On what grounds? I'm not a drunk. I don't fuck other women. I don't mistreat you. I've never hit you. I don't even try to touch you, since you made it so abundantly clear just how unnecessary you consider me to be. But I did support you when you got your license. And some people might think that entitles me to half of what's yours. So, turn out the light when you come back to bed, okay? This is my friend, Angela Hayes. Okay, good to meet you. You were also good tonight, very precise. Thanks. So what are your girls doing now? Dad we going out for pizza Oh really Do you need a ride We can give you a ride I have a car You want to come with us Thanks but I have a car Well you have a car Oh well that great That great Because Janie thinking about getting a car too soon aren you Dad, Mom's waiting for you. Well, it was very nice meeting you, Angela. Any friend of Janie's is a friend of mine. Well, I'll be seeing you around now. Could he be any more pathetic? I think it's sweet. And I think he and your mother have not had sex in a long time. Sorry, my dad was weird tonight. That's okay. I'm used to guys drooling over me. It started when I was about 12, going to dinner with my parents. Every Thursday night, red lobster. Every guy there would stare at me when I walked in. And I knew what they were thinking. Just like I knew guys at school thought about me when they jerked off. Lomit. No, I liked it. And I still like it. If people I don't even know look at me and want to fuck me, it means I really have a shot at being a model. Which is great. Because there's nothing worse in life than being ordinary. I really think it will happen for you. I know. Because everything that was meant to happen does. Eventually. Hello? Hello? Hello? Why'd you call me? I didn't. Well, my phone just rang and I answered and somebody hung up. And I started 69 and I called you back. Well, I was in the shower. Oh, gross. Ricky, breakfast. Be right there.