18 f Sexual childhood trauma/abuse and now crippling pornography addiction. I was abused for by a close family member for many years and have kept it a secret not telling anyone close to me, i was very young between the age 4-9 at the time and didn’t know any better and was also scared to speak up out of fear and shame. Now i am an adult i can admit i have a crippling pornography addiction to the point i miss days in college my part time job because of wanting to stay home watch it and bed rot. I have been fired from my old part time job because of taking too many days off and have gotten warning from my education because of not attending. If i am not engaged in an activity or actively studying or in class ass i can think about is either what happened or what 18+ material to watch. Also a few nights a week i will have positive dreams about my abuser leading me to think i might have slight Stockholm syndrome because he pops up in my head regularly and the acts of what happened and sometimes even find myself missing him in a weird twisted way or maybe just the attention i have no idea.